I miss you

I couldn’t avoid cry anymore, the feeling taking control over me and spreading that worthless sensation through my hole body.
I couldn’t stand that anymore. My mind is screaming to me. Idiot! You’re an idiot!
And the truth is that actually I am an idiot.
Why do we fall in love? Why do we fall in love with people who we know we’ll not love we back?
I may like the pain. That’s the only explanation to why I love you.
But how couldn’t I?
Everything on you seems to call my name.
From your smile to the way you pronounce the words.
Your laugh, your eyes, your jokes.
The way you care about people.
Every single thing on you just makes me love you more and more every day.
There is not only one thing on you that I don’t love.
Even your bad habits. To me, they just make your qualities even brighter.
And everything was just fine, you know. Then you just came into my life, without asking permission. Not that I could have denied it.
From one day to another I were yours already, and I still am.
But you were not mine, you are not mine, you will never be mine.
Into the arms of somebody else you found your happiness, and no one can understand how it hurts me.
But then I see your smile and the how happy you are. And there’s no way I could ever be mad at the person who is making you smile like this.
It may not be me, but anything is worth just to see your smile.
I still cry in pain. My hearts still beats faster when I see anything about you. And I still remember of you when I see anyone else with the same name.
You’ve become part of who I am, and even if I wanted to get over you I couldn’t.
When the last tear reach the floor a sound interrupt the silence I was in. One message. From you. I miss you. I smile. I miss you too.

Pain

Have you ever loved someone? I mean, love someone who doesn’t know you exist? Someone who live, not only another country, but in other continent? With and ocean between you and this person?
I bet you haven’t!
Yeah, I love these five guys since they released their first single. It was on August, 2010. Since that they I become a fan of them. For almost six months I was the only fan they had in Brazil.
I’ve always tried to contact them, but it was difficult, and I could understand that. I really did. They are famous, a band, and I’m only a fan.
Okay, this is normal.
But them they started becoming more famous in Brazil. One day I got the news, they were finally going to Brazil, to support Justin Bieber on tour. I should be happy.
Well, I was not. Because unfortunately they went to play in Brazil when I wasn’t there to attend the concert. Once more I could understand that.
More chances would come, right? For sure!
But before the concert they become really famous in Brazil, and got a lot of fans. But with these fans, also they got a lot of girls of don’t really care about them.
And now I want to say what I want.
It is hurting deep inside of me. I was hurted by them.
I know they never meant this. I also know that they don’t know who are their really fans.
But it’s inevitable the pain of seeing all this girls, who met them 4 months ago getting their attention, while I am here for almost two years and have got nothing.
No, I’m not blaming them. I’m just saying what I am feeling right now.
Don’t judge me, and don’t think I’m not happy for my friends who got replies, RT’s or follows. I am happy for them.
But at the same time I’m angry. Because it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I’m giving my all to them and not getting anything. While everyone around me gets something and don’t do the same things.
Yes, some of them do give them all like me. Is not about them I’m talking about. Is the other ones. The ones who don’t care about this things.
Does it sound fair for you someone who mistreat Max’s girlfriend getting a follow from him, and I don’t?
I know how egoist this text sounds, but to whoever reads this: You would have to be feeling the way I am right now to understand this. And the feeling I wish to anyone.
I don’t want attention or what the hell you can think I’m trying to do. I am a writer, and that’s what I do: write my feelings down on a paper to try to feel better.
Feel free to read if you want, but understand that you are reading this because of YOU WANTED TO!
I’m in pain right now because all of the things that happened, but I’m not going to let this girls break me down! Whatever that happened today is not going to make me love them less, otherwise, I’ll love them more every single day.
I won’t stop loving or supporting them. I won’t stop spamming them and try to get an attention. I’ll keep on crying for them and being sad. But also I know they will always be the reason for my biggest smiles.
What they have done to me, belongs to me and stay with me. Whatever anyone says or do won’t change this.
So yeah, I’m hurted right now because of them, but I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. Because I love them and love goes through everything.
Please, guys, don’t ever forget: don’t matter what the fuck is going on, or how bad things are; someone will always be here for you, someone will always love you!
Tom, Max, Siva, Jay and Nathan: I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I’ll love you tomorrow!